Capricious Vicissitude

That's What I Want for Christmas

2008-12-20T20:15:00.000-06:00

When You siad yesterday
That it's nearly christmas
What did I want, and I thoughtJust love me, love me love
That's what I want for Christmas
When I walk through a room let them see you need me
Walk through a room let them see you love me love me love me
That's what I want for Christmas
Anyone can wish for all the trinkets in the window
Some can even buy the things they see
But the present that I want you'll never find in any window
Bring me love and bring it just for me
When you come home at night take me in your arms and hold me
And kiss me and say you love me love me love me
That's what I want for Christmas
Hold me, kiss me
That's what I want for Christmas

2008-06-04T19:04:00.001-05:00

Because I can.

2008-05-05T17:59:00.002-05:00

The age-old question,,is there just one single solitary "right" person for each of us in life? I tend to think not. I certainly hope not. Sometimes, though, I wonder. Did I bury my Mr. Right when I was 19? I know Brooks was not the right one. He was a good one,,but not the right one. Robert? I'm not even sure he was a good one. He was a good lover,,but a total sponge and had zero integrity or honor. Mike,,he was a good one and the absolute right one,,for someone else. I'm not sure yet about the current one. Good one? Absolutely. Good man? Absolutely. Honor and integrity? Absolutely. The right one? Jury is out.

All I Want for Christmas

2007-12-20T22:27:00.000-06:00

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is... You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is... You
All I want for Christmas is you... baby

On being a Witch

2007-11-03T23:02:00.000-05:00

My day was Wednesday. They let us "dress up" at work. That means for the general population,,coming in costume. For me,,apparently,,according to my coworkers,,I got to finally come as myself. A witch. Of course. Not just any old variety of witch. A delicously wicked witch. Hat,,got it. Broom,,got it. Leather boots,,got em. Very short clingy witch dress,,got it. Red lipstick,,got it. Black lace under the witch dress,,,got it. Propositions,,got em. I should be able to do the witch thing every day. It was grand fun. Not since appearing in "The Dress" have I had that much fun with my clothes on.
To answer the questions,,,A very good witch. Black lace. Yes they are real. Only if you ask me to. I don't shriek,,I moan. Reverse witch.
Hope you had as much fun as I did.

Memory Jolt

2007-10-19T21:37:00.000-05:00

While cleaning out my closet today I got yanked back to a place I really didn't think I would ever go again. I found his CDs. I thought I had removed all traces of him,,and there he was. The first,,the young Mike,,so freakin young and beautiful. Incredible raw voice. Not yet wise enough or aged enough to have the soul that he sang with later. Boundless energy in that young Mike. Cocky and fiesty and so damn good. I remember the first time I heard him sing,,he brought his guitar over one lunchtime and just sang for me. I sat and marveled at the talent,,the beauty of the voice,,the beauty of the man. How could anyone sing like that? Sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace ,,music scattered across the table,,"pick two" he would say,,and he would sing for me. Lunches at the park,,singing,,listening,,brainstorming and analyzing. The many days and nights he would arrive guitar in hand to see what I thought about this version compared with that one. The second CD,,,God the memories. I remember us being in my bed and him drifting,,"there is a song in me right now". Holding me,,composing in his mind,,talking through what would become Wonderland. The tears in his eyes when he was formulating the words,,reaching for his guitar and working through bits of the music to go with the words his brain was spinning. Hotel in Dallas playing through different songs,,still working on Wonderland,,trying to build the new CD. Searching for the perfect songs. Asking,,have you written anything for her? Anything for Sam,,,and then hearing Sams Lullaby for the first time and knowing,,insisting it had to be on the CD. Never has a father loved a son like he does. The myriad of phone calls,,,which song first,,,too much bass?,,,cover design?? The recording sessions,,meeting before and after. Pep talks,,listening.
I sat and held the CDs for quite a bit trying to decide if I could listen to them or not. What would his voice do to me? Had it been long enough? Was it worth the risk? Of course it was. I loaded the CD player,,,pushed play,,,and let the wonder flow. Still the same amazing voice. Still powerful. Still magical. Still Mike. It has been long enough.

2007-10-17T06:45:00.000-05:00

New security system at the house. It has a camera. A web camera. I can supposedly log in and view what's going on in my house from remote locations. Yeah right. I can supposedly send email from my cell phone too,,but you see that happening? Ok,,the upside to this whole camera thing,,I can come home and review what all has gone on in my house while I was gone. What I learned? The dogs do not come upstairs at all if I'm not here. The downside to this camera? It's always on,,got busted doing yoga,,lovely. Not exactly what you want to hear when you've just stretched your legs up and placed both feet behind your head. Friend bleeps in and says,,,Hey,,nice move. Great. Gotta be a way to shut that camera off. Gotta be.

Wrong Lady, Wrong Day

2007-10-04T10:59:00.000-05:00

Lest there be any misunderstanding now or in the future,,let me clarify a few things right here, right now. If you attempt to engage me in battle of wits,,come armed. If you want to play bitch kitty,,know in advance you have met your match. If you think you can scare me, threaten me, intimidate me or humiliate me,,,think again. I cut my mental cannibal teeth on high priced attorneys in Armani suits. I have more attitude and intellect than you have balls or money. There are no skeletons in my closet for you to expose. I keep them on the patio so I can dance with them. You picked the wrong lady. See the look on my face? That's not a smile. It's not fear. It's contempt,,and loathing. Like my favorite line from my favorite movie,,Your behaviour is the signal I was waiting on to Unleash Hell. This particular version of Hell needs breakfast. You will do. It's been way too long since I had an inferior, lowlife, imbecilic bully of a scumbag to feed the fire in my soul. You've been warned. I would suggest you pay attention.

2007-10-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

I do like this Pirate. His ponytail, his wee black pig, his swagger, his Texas accent with Scottish words, his monster truck, his smile,,wicked smile, his black scoot, his very soft, strong hands. I do, I do, I do like this Pirate. All pieces and parts of my Pirate. He leaves very soon. I think I shall miss him. Who am I kidding? I KNOW I shall miss him. He sleeps beautifully. Long hair scattered about the big bed. Feels good to have a man next to me. A hairy man that feels like a man in the bed. Sounds like a man in the bed. God help me ,,he even smells like a man in the bed,,and I like it. I've missed it. Being wrapped up in strong arms while I sleep. Having a very furry chest to nuzzle into. Someone to deliver coffee to in the mornings. Man sized clothes in the laundry to fold. He shares his razor,,amazing. Someone slap me,,I'm falling.

The Pirate

2007-09-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

I had dinner with a pirate last night. He denies being such,,,I know it to be true. Some things a woman just knows. This man,,this amazing man,,is a pirate. According to Webster one of the definitions of "pirate",,is to entice away for ones own use. He is in every sense of every word of that definition,,a pirate. There was no parrot. He has both eyes and no patch,,he has a Harley instead of a ship,,no peg leg or hooked hand,,but the man, I swear, is a pirate. Swarthy, charming, fascinating, wicked,,a pirate. It seems fitting somehow that I should encounter a pirate right now. Talk like a Pirate Day is the 19th. My guess is we will celebrate it,,in very pirate fashion. I'll keep you posted. Until then,,I must get ready,,the Pirate and I are in his words,,"going for a wee hurl on the scoot". In Texan,,that means we're taking the Harley out for a ride. He wants to shop. I think I'll let him. ARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH.

Shoulders back,,,chocolate in each hand,,,

2007-05-21T05:10:00.001-05:00

Actually, this time,there is no chocolate anywhere. It wouldn't help and I couldn't eat it even if it would.
For the past two years I have had the most horrid wonderful incredibly dysfunctional loving relationship with a sponge of a beautiful man. He had just left his wife,,the psycho freak he married very young because she was the first woman that told him she loved him. He wasn't ready for me and I told him so. Asked him to please go and play,,find himself,,figure out what he wanted in life and then come to me. He didn't want to go. He didn't NEED to go. He had what he wanted in me and didn't want to lose me. What I saw in him ,,what attracted me,,I'm still not sure. He was a blonde Ken doll. So very much a Ken doll. Beautiful to look at but no substance or knowledge. He loved classical music. He could cook. He was an exquisite lover. He brought chocolate and flowers. He was socially inept. He was a total goofus. He was a walking talking breathing faux pas. He was an exquisite lover. I furnished his house,,he didn't even own a couch to sit on. I taught him about soft sheets and good pillows,,he was sleeping on an Indian blanket. I introduced him to matching dishes and silverware, table linens. Furnished the girls rooms so when they came to visit they would have a real home to remember. They didn't have beds. They had mattresses on the floor and he and the psycho freak didn't think there was anything odd about that?? He was a sponge. Soaked it all up,,took it all. I bought him his first pair of dress pants and real shoes. Polo shirts. Good jeans. How does a man get to be 46 and not own nice clothes? Not own a tie? Took him out and showed him how to shop for his daughters. Remembered their birthdays. Dealt with the psycho freak exwife. Got him involved with his family again. Met his friends, loved most of them, was scared of a few of them. Hid from some of them. We traveled, we laughed, we cooked, we loved. I fell in love. And now,,after two years,,he realizes ,,he needs to go play. Go figure out who he is and what he wants. He needs to be Robert. He's never been on his own and he feels that before he commits to someone he needs to do these things. I agree. His timing sucks,,but I agree. He has the trappings now to go out into the world and possibly attract someone. He is beautiful. Still a goofus. But he has clothes to wear on a date and might even know where to take someone. I want to hate him. I still love him. He loves me,,he's not in love with me. I'm back on " the list". Fuckable. Not lovable. I miss him.

2007-02-21T09:54:00.000-06:00

Drove past Riverbend parking lot yesterday for the first time in ,,well,,,forever. Odd,,,I felt nothing. Well,,not quite nothing. But nothing really. Can't remember the last time I was there. Don't really want to try.

Life with Robert is good. Comfortable. Predictable at times,,but in a good way. Spent a day planting roses in his back yard. Getting dirty,,working hard,,,together. As it should be. Discovering new places together. Our places. No history places. Weekends to Bandera,,together. In public. Nice. Perfect Valentines. A good man. My man.

Going to find sun today. Play iguana. Thaw some of the ice from my soul.

Hypocrisy

2006-11-05T18:54:00.000-06:00

The definition:
The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

In my very humble opinion we should expand that definition just a bit to include,,a common trait amongst politicians, religious leaders and persons of authority. Neither sex seems to have a corner on the hypocritical market. It isn't limited to any specific age group or nationality. My guess is that both/all political parties are blessed with shining examples in their ranks.
Hypocrits can be found walking the halls of justice, teaching our children in the classrooms of elite private schools, patrolling the streets in the name of law and order, standing behind a lofty pulpit on Sunday morning preaching hellfire and damnation to the drooling, mindless sheep in their flock,,and sitting in my office hiding behind God talking the talk but never walking the walk. I despise these individuals. They occupy space and use air they don't deserve.
Hypocrisy is what has driven me away from organized religion. It has forever jaded my opinion of people in power. It has made me question what I once held close to my heart. It has become a pandemic that swept this country and others in the name of God but with the soul of the devil. It is so commonplace we rarely stop to question it anymore. We nod, sigh, frown,,and keep going. We accept it and somehow that makes it ok. By not screaming out against it we condone it. Consider this the beginnings of my scream. I've had enough.

2006-08-04T13:40:00.000-05:00

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttttt. I did it anyways. And would again. Twice. So there.

For the record I'm pretty sure I know "what" made the last poorly spelled comments on this site. I was wrong to jump to the almost obvious conclusion that it was the wife. Very wrong and truly sorry. It wasn't her. The one responsible is not worthy of walking a day in her shoes,,or mine. I suggested that it get its own site for me to comment on. Not smart enough to figure out how to I would imagine. Whatever. Not worth the effort or energy of further discussion.

Hope life is lovely for all.

Happy Birthday,,,,

me

2006-05-21T11:33:00.000-05:00

One door quietly closes. Countless windows fly open. Change is in the air.

Happy Valentines Day

2006-02-15T20:02:00.000-06:00

Once upon a Valentine's Day, Cinderella got good and tired of waiting for some prince to come around with one used shoe, so she decided to run barefoot in the grass instead... Sooo... she took leaps of faith through the pumpkin patch on past the royal coach and her fairy godmother, and found she could go wherever she wanted. (And, of course, she stayed out way past midnight.)

Enough ,,,

2006-02-13T22:22:00.000-06:00

Verily I say unto you all,,Enough. Really. If the wife didn't send the reply I offer my sincere apologies for giving credit where credit was not due. Truly I am sorry. To the second comment,,it would have been more effective had you spelled grammar correctly. Again,,hit that spell check button would ya? Actually,,don't worry about it. If you get your grins from reading this and it makes you feel important to leave a comment then go ahead. Far be it from me to deprive anyone of that opportunity. As for my "dalliances",,dream them large and wonderful for me ok? Make them spectacular. Heck,,set up a blog of your own and write them for all the world to read and possibly I'll leave you a special little comment some evening. Wouldn't that be fun? Now I really must go. Go ahead and concoct something sinfully wonderful and wickedly delicious for me to go do. Invent a harem of men for me to seduce with my trollish appearance. Dream large. I leave laughing. Verily.

2006-02-08T20:50:00.000-06:00

Anonymous said...
The subject is you and your continued desire to screw married men. The reference to you "thinking you are a strong woman" is your self convincing that you are a strong woman and you set a good example for your daughters when in fact you are a parasite and shallow person. You live in an fantasy world. You claim to be the all emcompassing challenger and defeater of wrong doing (Trinty Lutheran) and really are an exagerator and fantasy liar. It's amazing that anyone would buy into your bullshit.
2:04 AM

My Darling Anonymous,,
Multiple points to make here. First and foremost,,If you are going to attempt to engage me in a battle of wits please come armed and ready for the fight. At the very least hit your spell check button. Poor spelling irritates me. Poor grammar offends me. Work on it. Please.
Now onto bigger and better things. I do not have a continued desire to screw married men in general. Au contraire, it's just your married man. I will more than likely always have a desire for him. He asked me once how long I would want him and I told him the truth. Forever. He is an exquisite lover you know. I will not however act on that desire. He knows that. He always has.
Next. You really shouldn't have brought up my daughters. Really. Is this a topic you want to explore? Discuss? Let's see,,I bring to the table a daughter enrolled in a prestigious university, honors program, honors student, academic scholarship, deans list for three consecutive years, studying abroad her senior year. Younger daughter,,honors student, AP classes, graduating a year early with honors, Pre-Med at OU. Notice anything missing from my poor example? Look closely. No mention of illegitimate child at the age of 15. No mention of dropping out of school or inability to commit to a career path. No mention of uncontrollable temper or association with a wonderful boyfriend/sperm donor in possession of a criminal record. No mention of screaming matches between mother and daughter. No mention of being asked to move out of the house. My poor example? We have a beautiful open relationship full of laughter and respect for each other. You want lessons perhaps?
A parasite by definition is one that lives off of another. Maybe you were not aware of that? I live off of no one. No one. I make my own way in this world. I do not need the support of a man or a charitable handout to sustain myself or my children. I am self sufficient and have reared two beautiful daughters on my own.
I laughed at your reference to me being shallow. Actually I laughed at most of your diatribe. You are a mean spirited tenacious little chit aren't you? The shallow comment though was priceless. Really. Judge not my dear lest ye be judged as well. Shallow? We are all entitled to a daily delusion. I'll consider that yours.
I claim to be nothing. I am what I am. I do what I do. I frankly don't care if you approve of me, like me, hate me, pray for me or curse me. Your opinion of me plus a couple of dollars will get you a cup of coffee at some McDonalds. I do have just one last little bit of advice for you. If you wake up again at 2am and can't sleep,,why don't you kiss that spot in the middle of his back. He'll roll over and tell you he loves you and that you're beautiful and then he'll make incredible love to you until you fall back to sleep. It always worked for me with him and it sure beats getting on the computer and firing off a silly comment to someone you don't really know at all.

ciao bella

2006-01-28T14:26:00.000-06:00

I will admit to being confused by the most recent comment. Is the "subject" the writer of the blog? If yes,,what exactly is it that I "don't know any better" about? And the actions of a strong woman? Hunh? If on the other hand,,the "subject" is the oh so wronged wife,,,well that is just as confusing as ,,,jiminychristmas,,my brain spins. Let's just leave it with this,,,I'm happy. I hope like hell he is. I frankly don't give a rats ass if she is. Hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is. Ya know?

The Disgusting Short Fat Mentally/Physically Deficient Whore Speaks

2005-12-18T17:24:00.000-06:00

Thank you sir,,,May I have another?

Merry Christmas Darlin.

The Wife Speaks,,

2005-11-29T19:56:00.000-06:00

"Don't kid yourself slut. He doesn't think of you EVER and all the things he ever said to you were to insure your availability. His words. Being the whore that you are I'm sure you bought it all. His only concern now is saving his marriage and he is doing everything humanly possible to keep me. His choice. You were nothing more than a fuck. His words also. You knew he would never leave me but yet you kept trying. You are pathetic. I wish I could say I feel sorry for you but I don't. My only hope for you is that you will rot in hell where you belong. By they way, what's wrong with you physically and/or mentally that you can only find married men to fuck you? There has to be something wrong if no man really wants you. Mike never wanted you for anything more than that and you know it. He told you many many times. How dense must you be not to have believed him. He knows you fell in love with him, which he never wanted. You did it all to yourself. According to Mike, you never really knew him. You only knew what he chose to let you see. Why, because you were only a fucking tool for a man with a sexual addiction. Again, his words. So, if you think your dreams are telling you something important you might want to get your head examined. "She disgusts me!" His words.By the way, I know all about what Z did. We had a long talk. You might also like to know that he too said you were short, fat, and ugly; a real whore. (Ha! Ha!) "

Mind Melding? Dream Delving?

2005-11-27T20:36:00.000-06:00

I used to be able to connect with him even when he wasn't around. I could sense when there was trouble..feel the unrest of his dreams...predict the phone calls and finish the sentences,,.. used to be able to. I haven't tried in quite some time,,not really sure I want to know what he's thinking or dreaming. More than likely it would hurt. I think I caught a glimpse last night in my own dream. A strong pull mentally. More than a tug,,almost a yank. Was it my brain or his? Very prayerlike,,almost a mantra. He's trying very very hard to forget me. To forget us. To do the right thing. Intense concentration. Minute by minute effort. My voice right now would rattle him. I won't call. I felt the pain. Hell I feel it every day but this time it was his pain and that I can't bear. Does he know how much love it took to let him leave without a fight? Does he know or even care the price this heart paid? And that I would give it all again and again if it would make things easier for him? Does he know?

Text Message

2005-10-27T10:26:00.000-05:00

3am. Woke up holding my cell phone reading a text message. Call DSS re MM. Could mean a lot. Could mean nothing. Too beaten down to really care. Really.

Relocating

2005-10-12T20:32:00.000-05:00

I cannot bring myself to continue this,,,it was ours. It was our story. If there is ever another chapter to write,,I'll post it. Until then,,,I can't carry on here,,relocating to new quarters. www.nowhiteflagblog.blogspot.com

White Flag

2005-09-25T21:26:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a song says it so much better than I can. I need to dance. I need to cry these tears and move on. Or at least let the world think I have. Turning the volume up yet again.

"White Flag"

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be I

know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Existing

2005-09-23T09:46:00.000-05:00

I haven't heard from him. I don't know that I ever will. I could call him I suppose. Nothing stopping me except pride, fear,,and a pretty good understanding of his brain. If he wanted to talk,,he would call. If he had something he wanted to say he would say it. If he wanted to see me right now,,he would find a way. My brain has spun all of the events,,well the version I know of the events,,a thousand different ways and it always comes out the same. If he wanted to communicate. He would. I can guess and postulate and predict and wonder,,it changes nothing. I'm here. He's out there somewhere. I haven't seen his name in the obituaries. I assume he is alive. I pray he is well.

As the blog name says,,,

2005-09-19T12:58:00.000-05:00

A sudden overwhelming change. In the blink of an eye without any warning for reasons unknown,,a vicissitude. Capricious. She knows. She found the blogs. How? He didn't say. I can't begin to imagine. She has them though. She read every word. I cannot imagine her reaction. How does a soul respond to words like that? It was for us. It was about us. It was written for us, by us. It was not intended for her. Ever. Was she angry? Disgusted? Hurt? Entertained? Curious? Possibly I'll never know. He called the night of the confrontation. I deleted them. Immediately. Foolish impulsive move. Erased our history. The only thing I had of him really,,his words to me,,and I gave them up. No copies, no backup. I just erased them. What I would give to have them back. To have his words. Our story. He called the next morning. He had not denied me. That was comforting in a way. I was at least worthy of that. He admitted to it all. He is an honorable man. The practically perfect man. Even in this. I wonder how he portrayed me? Was I the temptress? The vixen? Old and ugly? One of those women that is fuckable but not lovable? He was going to disappear. Forever? I pray not. I expect so. We didn't have a contingency plan. We hadn't ever really thought about what might happen or how we would or should react. I hadn't at least. Possibly he had. He said GoodBye. We didn't say good bye. Ever. I'll accept whatever his decision is. I want what is best for him. I always have. I wonder if he knows that? I wonder if he can believe it now? Or care? I still have my memory palace. The place that I can go and still love him. Float through and hear the laugh,,see the smile,,my happy thoughts.

In the event that she decides to recheck this site,,I want to clarify a few things. "Z" is actually two different people. I didn't realize when writing this that the identities would ever matter. One "Z" I think she can identify. The other "Z" is a friend of mine. A dancing partner, a confidante, an opinionated gay male that frequently advises me on matters of the heart, fashion and wine,,and happens to have a Spanish name that I cannot begin to pronounce and has been Z since our introduction. For what it's worth,,Z is not necessarily the one you think.
Another point to clarify,,,he always loved you. Always. He said so regularly. He never denied it. He never wanted out of the marriage. The guilt was killing him. Living the lie was killing him. He was not unfaithful to you in his love. You always had his heart. If you want someone to blame, if it will make it easier for you,,then blame me. Let the hatred and the anger flow my direction. Make me the whore, the homewrecker,,call me whatever you will. Think of me what you will. Know this though,,Mike is the single most amazing man I've ever met and you are the lucky woman that has him. And yes,,you have him. You always have. As they said in Private Ryan,,Deserve it. Earn it. You didn't deserve to read what you did or feel the pain that you did,,that's not what I'm saying. No one deserves that. But take what you read in here and learn from it. Grow. Be the woman that a man like that needs and deserves. Don't persecute him for what he is. What he is is as close to perfection as I've ever encountered.
Creative license was taken at times,,thoughts and words attributed or credited to one where they had only been implied,,multiple characters combined into one for the ease of writing,,and always written from my perspective. It was not intended as an accurate historical document.

I find myself in the most odd position of wanting to reach out and comfort the woman that has the man I love,,and at the same time,,to offer respite to the most incredible man I've ever known. A Springer show in the making. Most odd. I hope she finds peace. I hope he finds happiness. Most of all,,I hope he knows that he will always be loved. That he is truly unconditionally loved. And respected. And that he deserves them both. And more.